My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
