Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
