Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
