u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
