i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
