Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
