a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
