This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
