just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
