Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
