Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
