the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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