so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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