My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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