Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
