I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
