I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
