I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
