ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
