Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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