is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
