Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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