Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
