As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
