My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
