oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
