i don't like sucking hair
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
