he shaved USA in his pubs
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
