ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
