Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Drunk is a universal language darling
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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