Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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