im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
