Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
