"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
