Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
