I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
