Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Randomize
