Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
