I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
