My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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