shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
