She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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