just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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