I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
