nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Randomize
