so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
