i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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