hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
