Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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