I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
