all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
