You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
